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All questions

The complete collection, sorted by what it feeds. Start at the top and work down — the order is part of how it works.

Map

How well you know each other’s inner world — worries, preferences, daily life, history.

Light — To warm up. Costs nothing and still opens a door.

  1. Which part of your day is your favourite right now — and why that one?
  2. What is stressing you most this week, even if it is something small?
  3. You have a whole day free tomorrow and I am not coming along: what would you do?
  4. What could you eat every day without ever getting bored of it?
  5. What did you last read, hear or watch that stayed with you?
  6. Who from your everyday life have I never really got to know?

Personal — This is where it starts saying something about you.

  1. What do you do when you feel low and do not want to call anyone?
  2. What role did you have in your family when you were small?
  3. What are you proud of this year that you never told anyone about?
  4. What was the hardest stretch of the last five years for you?
  5. Which sentence from your childhood still comes back to you sometimes?
  6. What are you dreaming about right now without saying it out loud?

Close — Needs trust — and builds it.

  1. What do you think I most often misread about you?
  2. Which part of you does nobody know but you?
  3. What are you genuinely afraid of, if you are being completely honest?
  4. What would you like to tell me but never find the right moment for?
  5. When did you last feel lonely even though I was right there?
  6. What from your past still echoes in you today?

After the reveal: What part of that did you not know yet?

Appreciation

How often the good gets said out loud instead of only thought.

Light — To warm up. Costs nothing and still opens a door.

  1. What did you notice about me this week that you liked?
  2. Which small thing I do regularly makes your day better?
  3. What would you thank me for today if you only had one sentence?
  4. Which moment with me from this month would you like to live again?
  5. What am I better at than you — and it does not bother you at all?
  6. Which photo of us do you like best, and what do you see in it?

Personal — This is where it starts saying something about you.

  1. When were you last really proud of me?
  2. What did I do without realising how much it meant to you?
  3. Which quality of mine drew you in at the start — and what has it become since?
  4. Where do you feel that I have your back?
  5. What would you like more of from me — as a wish, not a complaint?
  6. What do you tell other people about me when I am not there?

Close — Needs trust — and builds it.

  1. What have you never properly thanked me for?
  2. What has changed inside you since we have been together?
  3. In which moment did you realise you truly trust me?
  4. When did I carry you without noticing that I did?
  5. Which side of you do I like that you do not much like yourself?
  6. What would you want to tell me if we only had one evening left?

After the reveal: Say in one sentence what that does to you.

Openness

How much of each other you see — including what you show no one else.

Light — To warm up. Costs nothing and still opens a door.

  1. Which compliment is hardest for you to accept?
  2. What do you do when you are home alone and nobody is watching?
  3. What makes you laugh even though it is not actually funny?
  4. Which habit of yours does hardly anyone but me know about?
  5. What was your most embarrassing moment that you can laugh about today?
  6. What do you feel most at ease doing when nobody is watching?

Personal — This is where it starts saying something about you.

  1. What did you dream about when you were seventeen?
  2. What about you has changed most since then?
  3. When did you last cry — and do you remember why?
  4. What do you usually keep to yourself because you do not want to burden anyone?
  5. Which mistake do you keep making even though you know it well by now?
  6. What are you more ashamed of than you admit?

Close — Needs trust — and builds it.

  1. What is the hardest thing you have ever told anyone?
  2. Which part of you do you hold back because you think it would be too much?
  3. When did you last make yourself smaller in front of me than you are?
  4. What do you think about yourself when nobody is there to disagree?
  5. What would I need to know in order to fully understand you?
  6. What would you be afraid of if I really knew everything about you?

After the reveal: What do you want to know about it — without judging?

Security

Whether you can rely on each other when things get uncomfortable.

Light — To warm up. Costs nothing and still opens a door.

  1. What reliably calms you down when you are worked up?
  2. How do you notice that I am there for you?
  3. How should I notice you are not doing well — before you say it?
  4. What helps you find your way back after an argument?
  5. Which kind of touch does you the most good?
  6. What do you need first when you come home tired: quiet or closeness?

Personal — This is where it starts saying something about you.

  1. When did you last feel alone inside our relationship?
  2. What most quickly gives you the feeling of not mattering?
  3. What do I do in an argument that makes things worse for you?
  4. How can you tell when I am pulling away inside?
  5. What would help you feel safe again faster after a bad moment?
  6. Which promise of mine means the most to you?

Close — Needs trust — and builds it.

  1. What are you sometimes afraid of when you think about us?
  2. What would be the point at which you would feel you were losing yourself?
  3. When did you doubt us and not tell me?
  4. What do you need from me in order to feel completely safe?
  5. What is your biggest unspoken wish for us?
  6. If you had to forgive me for something to feel lighter — what would it be?

After the reveal: What will you concretely do differently because of it?

Growth

How much you grow through each other instead of standing still side by side.

Light — To warm up. Costs nothing and still opens a door.

  1. What do you want to try for the first time this year?
  2. Which skill would you like to learn from me?
  3. What would you do if failing did not matter?
  4. Which place do you really want to see together with me?
  5. What did you last learn that changed something in you?
  6. Which hobby of yours would you like to share with me?

Personal — This is where it starts saying something about you.

  1. What have you got better at since we have been together?
  2. What are you getting in your own way with right now?
  3. Where do you wish I would encourage you more?
  4. Which version of yourself do you want to be in five years?
  5. What did you give up that you would like back?
  6. When do you feel most alive?

Close — Needs trust — and builds it.

  1. What in your life would you change if nobody would be disappointed?
  2. Which dream did you quietly bury?
  3. What is stopping you from doing what you actually want?
  4. Where do you feel like you are standing still?
  5. What would have to happen for you to say in ten years: that was a good decade?
  6. What are you waiting for my permission for, even though you do not need it?

After the reveal: How could you help with it?

Future

Whether you are looking in the same direction — and know why.

Light — To warm up. Costs nothing and still opens a door.

  1. How should an ordinary Tuesday feel for us in five years?
  2. Which of our rituals should still exist in ten years?
  3. Where would you like to grow old?
  4. What should always be in our home, no matter where we live?
  5. How do the two of us most like to celebrate?
  6. Which tradition would you like to reinvent with me?

Personal — This is where it starts saying something about you.

  1. What should people say about us when they describe us?
  2. Which value should the two of us never throw overboard?
  3. Which do we want more of: time or money — and what does that mean for us?
  4. How do we want to treat each other if things ever get genuinely tight?
  5. What should our home be for other people?
  6. Which decision is due for us that we keep postponing?

Close — Needs trust — and builds it.

  1. What do you want from the rest of your life that you have never said out loud?
  2. What picture do you have in mind when you think of us in thirty years?
  3. What are you afraid of when you think about our future?
  4. What would hurt most if it never happened?
  5. What do we want to have been here for?
  6. Which dream of yours should I take seriously, no matter what?

After the reveal: Which part of it do you want to hold on to?

Questions on the twelve areas of life

The daily questions build closeness over weeks. These are for the evening you actually sit down to sort one part of your life out — five per area, shown in the app right beside the box you are filling in.

Us as a couple

  • What does a good "us" look like — in one sentence we would both sign?
  • How would we notice that we had lost each other?
  • What do we do when we disagree — and what would we rather do instead?
  • Which shared thing are we actually taking on this year?
  • What do we hold on to, even when it gets uncomfortable?

Closeness & touch

  • What does closeness mean to you, beyond sex?
  • When do you feel closest to me?
  • What stops us touching each other in everyday life?
  • What do we talk about too rarely when it comes to affection?
  • What do you want more of, and what less?

Health & energy

  • What does health mean to each of us — and where do we differ?
  • How much energy do we want left for each other in the evening?
  • Which habit of ours is not doing us any good?
  • How do we stop one of us living healthily at the other’s expense?
  • How can you tell when I am reaching my limit?

Home & everyday

  • What makes a place a home for us?
  • How is the housework divided — and how does that feel?
  • Which spot in our home belongs to both of us?
  • Where do we want to live in five years, and what does that depend on?
  • What annoys you about our everyday life that you have never said?

Money & security

  • What did you learn about money as a child?
  • What does "enough" mean to you?
  • What do we spend gladly on, what reluctantly — and where do we disagree?
  • How do we want to decide when one of us earns more than the other?
  • What worries you about money that we do not talk about?

Work & calling

  • What does your work give you, and what does it take?
  • How much room may work take up in our shared life?
  • How do I notice that you had a bad day?
  • What would you do for work if money did not matter — and what is stopping you?
  • How do I support you without telling you what to do?

Family & children

  • Which values do we want to pass on?
  • What from the family you grew up in do you want to keep, and what never to repeat?
  • How do we handle our parents and parents-in-law?
  • Which memories should remain once children are grown?
  • How do we show mistakes instead of hiding them?

Friends & community

  • Which people do us good — and which cost us energy?
  • How much time do we want to spend with friends separately?
  • Who do we want to see more often and do not?
  • What should guests feel in our home?
  • Who do we want to help, and with what?

Adventure & experience

  • What do we want to have experienced together before we turn sixty?
  • What is stopping us from starting?
  • What was our best shared experience — and what made it that?
  • Which place do you want to see that I have not cared about so far?
  • How much novelty do you need, and how much quiet?

Learning & curiosity

  • What have you wanted to learn for years without starting?
  • What could you teach me?
  • What do you like talking about and too rarely find anyone for?
  • What did you last change because you understood something?
  • How do we make sure we do not grow apart?

Meaning & values

  • What do you believe in — and do we know that about each other?
  • Which value is non-negotiable for us?
  • What are we grateful for without saying it?
  • What should be said about us when we are no longer here?
  • What would you never do, no matter what for?

Time for myself

  • What do you regularly need just for yourself?
  • How do I notice you need time to yourself — and how do I react then?
  • Which feeling would you like to have less often?
  • Where do you make yourself smaller for us than you are?
  • What does you good when everything is too much?

These questions, one a day

In Love Jou you answer them apart and reveal them together. Everything is kept — for the two of you only.

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